Emotionless

Have you ever been sleeping, and when you wake up, you get tangled up in the blanket and fight to get out? That is how I have felt the last couple of days. Except, I have not been able to get free of the covers.

If you have read my previous blog entries, or come across paths with me, you would know about my struggles with securing a full-time job. Normally, when receiving a rejection from companies, I have been able to shake it off and move on to applying for the next position. But recently, when it comes to applying, waiting to hear back from companies, and trying to figure out what to do in life, it feels as if I cannot get over the hump. Right now, I feel defeated.

This comes with a series of different events and obstacles I faced that started a few years back. For personal reasons, I will not get into it. Maybe another time. My usual upbeat, friendly and positive attitude where I'm posting dancing content, has come and gone. And right now, that person is nowhere to be found. A dark shadow has draped a blanket over me, not ever wanting to get up.

I have been tired, pressured, frustrated and feeling unwanted. I know that I am not the only one going through this, but my God, I sure do feel like it. It feels as if everyone I know, and everyone around me is doing something in their life, and I am stuck. Within the last year, I haven't moved on to better things in life. I am stuck. And I am impatient. Right now, all I want to do is leave.

But I know these depressed and repressed feelings will pass. I have to tell myself to keep fighting and keep my head up. But some days are tougher than others to stay positive. Days like this feel as if I am on a wheel that shows no signs of stopping. I just want the wheel to stop and get back to my old self again. This is a battle with myself I plan to win. And if anyone else is reading this going through the same mental struggles, you will overcome as well. Just keep fighting.