I've been given a great memory. I can't explain how it works, but I can remember things as far back as a toddler. And it's distinctive memories too, such as specific days and what I was doing. I am not sure if anyone else is like that. This is sometimes viewed as a good thing because I am relied on to recall funny moments with my friends and family. But it can also be a curse because I still dwell on moments where I was in the wrong, and I should have done better. And what I am thinking about is how I got here.
My story is no secret. Between 2016-2019 I was unhappy. Sometimes even depressed. People can see it on my face, but I rarely verbally express it. I held everything inside of me. Was that the best option? Not really, but it was the only way to deal with it. And all those mixed feelings and emotions came back on Easter 2021. To the point where I believed I would have a mental breakdown. Some of these memories still get to me. It's like I left the door creaked open.
And I know for you, you have gone through some harrowing experiences. Everyone's challenges are different, but we all question why it has to be us. Why were we not given the easy path? But somehow, this was the best way for us to get to where we are or want to be in life.
I think about what if I went into a time machine to talk to myself. I know, I'm weird like that. As far back to my adolescents. What would I say? I wouldn't straight tell them things that would alter my future. But, what I would tell my younger self, is everything will work out in the future. That things, whether it be to fit in, girls, school, or your career and life, everything will all come together. But, I also feel I would be stubborn at that moment because it's hard to look at the grand scheme of things when all you have experienced is negativity. It seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. However, it would be very nice to hear my future self that things do get better for me. To know optimism is there. What would you say to your younger self?
It's interesting; to see how it for us started to where we are now. There was always that feeling of when will this cycle end. But you have to keep fighting and stay optimistic that everything will work out for you. That can be easier said than done sometimes, but having hope, believing, and working towards bettering your situation can affect your mindset of things coming for you. To shut out that negativity. Look at your journey, be proud of how it is for you now. Whatever the previous state you were in, you made it out. Keep telling yourself that you made progress and you plan on doing so. And learn to forgive yourself. Don't dwell too much on the past. No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. The best you can do is forgive yourself and others, learn from the moment and move on.
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